Sima Ganaba


Illustrative Essay FINAL


How to Successfully Pick Up Women in a Bar

            As impossible of a statement it might sound, men can successfully meet women in a bar if they follow four basic guidelines.

Men have always followed blindly behind the idea that women want to be swept up by a knight in shining ego. They approach women in a bar as if they were hunting wild game. Men stay in packs as they slowly circle their prey and then attack with a vengeance. Men need to understand a few simple ideas and will enable them to meet the women of their dreams instead of grasping onto what is left at last call.

One of the biggest guidelines men need to follow is that women want their men to be smart; not a smart-ass. Donít be sarcastic or superior toward women. Women want to be able to laugh with a man, not laugh at him. Most women want their men to be confident and self-assured, which men seem to confuse with having an inflated ego and a warped sense of humor. Men need to remember the basic rule of thumb: donít be a dick!

The next guideline is actually pretty basic; three is a company, but four is a crowd. Men should note that if they see four or more women sitting together at a bar or a table, odds are that they are having a girlís night out and that one woman will never sacrifice her girlfriends for a man that evening. These women are probably having a meeting of the minds and bashing some poor male that made the fatal error of breaking one of their girlfriends heart. If a man should see three or less women sitting together at an open ended table that is facing outward, then these women are opening themselves up to the possibility of a man showing up and enlightening them with some stimulating conversation and shameless flirting.

This next guideline is probably one of the most important ones that men need to understand. Men need to understand props. A prop could be a womanís glasses, a book, the television, an empty glass, etc. For example, if a women has her hair pulled back tight, she has on reading glasses, and is reading a book, she probably is meeting a girlfriend at a bar or she has just broken up with a significant other and wants to be out of her apartment full of reminders of her insignificant other. She does not want to be bothered for even the slightest of situations. However, if a woman is looking around and playing with the garnish of her empty drink, she is then, wanting another drink. The dilemma is that she doesnít know if she should buy another drink or should hope for the company along with the complimentary drink order of a complete male stranger.

The last guideline is one of the more difficult ones that men need to learn to wrap their brain around. Men need to learn that the most important thing you could ever say to a woman is not the initial pick up line, but the follow up line. Now, it is understandable that one of the most difficult tasks anyone could ever ask a man is to walk up to a woman with out a back up plan but in reality, men can often get away with a lot of pick up lines that border on being hideously stupid or offensive. Where they blow it is right after the initial line because they donít know how to follow up a slightly sarcastic comment with something of substance, which would put these men back in the category of being egotistical and self-assuming, which goes back to my first guideline of men not acting like smart-asses.

Men should be able to gain a fresh perspective on this never-ending game of chasing women after reading these guidelines. It should not be as difficult or as terrifying as some men make it out to be. The biggest reminder men should continually tell themselves is that they should be not scared of rejection. Women would not take the time to get ready and sit in a bar for a couple of hours if they were going to reject every male that walked in their peripheral.