Jesus Nunez
Illustration Essay

How to get drunk with beer

            Getting drunk with beer should be your hobby.
            Beer, by the grace of God, has been around for thousands of years. There is record of the first brewing being done by Sumerians six-thousand years ago. Babylonians also brewed beer and were able to brew twenty different types. Egyptians also brewed beer. The Romans did too, but only on the outer parts of Rome. They considered beer a barbaric drink.
            Before the drinking begins you must choose the right beer. Well, actually any beer will do. It all has alcohol so it doesnít matter. Unless taste is important to you, choose an imported beer. Newcastle, Hefeweizen, or Dos X are popular. Pop the cap off and chug. Donít worry about whoís watching or where you go. You donít have to enjoy the beer. Drink as many as you can. Avoid using the restroom every five minutes. That only gets beer out of your system. Beer is a depressant so donít get emotional and call all your exís. Concentrate on the beer. After a few hours of drinking, you should be on the floor. You might throw up so lay on your side. You donít want to choke on your vomit.
            Getting drunk with beer is better than getting drunk with wine. How do you get drunk with wine? Is that even possible? Well, if it is, then itís only for the sophisticated, the type that raise their pinky when they drink. For, there is absolutely nothing better on this planet than gripping a cold pint of Newcastle. You canít grip a wineglass; it will break.
            Drinking beer is a popular activity. Getting drunk with beer is even better. It comes with consequences, but what doesnít. Romans considered beer barbaric so I guess Iím surrounded by Barbarians. So, put down this paper and head to a bar.