(Mission Statement Syndrome)

There’s a new virus spreading across the globe and infecting the conscious minds of worker-drones throughout the populous. Particularly vicious and exceptionally ruthless, this new pestilent villain, travels like wildfire fueling on dry brush on a scorching California summer day.

So, take care of thyself, and thy well-being. Get plenty of sleep and drink plenty of fluids. Take lots of regular exercise, which includes exercising the large muscle residing between thy ears. For this new beast likes to make its nest in that location, causing territorial bouts between it and individual thought.

The virus, now known as missionstatementsyndrome (MSS) moves with the striking speed of a venomous snake, and is every bit as lethal. Once bitten, a stronghold of corporate dominance, otherwise known as, drone-ism, races toward the very vortex of the brain. The result is a blank, by-the-book, robotic and sycophantic member of the workforce.

To expand further upon the effects and symptoms of the infection would be far too gruesome to share. Yet, understand this! Soon after contamination, the virus’ victims are clamoring for a chance to compose their very own mission statements. Although subconsciously knowing that ALL mission statements recite essentially the same rhetoric and one mission statement would actually suffice for all industry, victims of the virus thrill in the notion that they have reached a great humanitarian moment. They swell with a sense of belonging, and oddly, a uniqueness, as if their mission statement alone has balanced world order.

Thus, to avoid infection, treat all mission statements like the sun. If direct eye contact with is made with a mission statement, look away immediately! Uniquely, the virus is introduced into to its prey by means of visual observation of any other mission statement. Soon, the malady appears to plague individual departments, with each suddenly feeling inadequate without their own, departmental, mission statement. Then, and most frightening of all, the infected inner departmental personnel feel an uncontrollable compulsion to compose their own, personal mission statement. And in no time, like business cards, individual mission statements are being passed about.

Yet, in truth, ALL mission statements mirror every other on the planet. Thus, not a single one is unique. Each, despite lofty promises of unity, concern, devotion and a determination to succeed, is simply an exercise in expelling hot-air.